so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
