im six kinds of drunk right now
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
