The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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