All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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