Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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