I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
