im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
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Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
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finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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