ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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