i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
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i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
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So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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