I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
