Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
