are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
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That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
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Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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