dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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