I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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