Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
