I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
