i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
