So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
