i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
