I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
