what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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