just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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