I want to make a zoo with you.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
