She's like a pop up book from hell.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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