My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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