I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
