Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
