I've blown a few things in my day
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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