Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
