I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
