proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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