My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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