btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
