I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
