malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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