My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
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Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
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Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize