I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
He has the fingertips of a God
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