Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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