um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
