she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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