When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
