I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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