I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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