it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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