HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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