I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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