You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize
