my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
