i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I didn't notice because vodka
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
