she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
