Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
