A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Come on in and take your pants off
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