Do vagina's smell?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.