take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
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What tipped you off? The sombrero?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
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she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.