her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.