I cannot find my penis.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
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this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
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Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.