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• (313): View more from Michigan

  her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.

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  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay

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• (662): View more from Mississippi

  After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.

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• (901): View more from Tennessee

  My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.

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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?

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  These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians

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• (928): View more from Arizona

  I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.

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• (561): View more from Florida

  I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point

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• (207): View more from Maine

  What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand

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• (909): View more from California

  Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?

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• (212): View more from New York

  I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.

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