I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
