Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
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i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
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The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
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