textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs