is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
