i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
