Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
