"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
