I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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