No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
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in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
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So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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