Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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