I puked a lego.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I am naked and annoyed.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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