just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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