ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
