Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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