Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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