i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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