Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
the day after is always just damage control
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
