And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
